Not Again
by GKingOfFez
Summary: Chaos ensues upon the canyon when the very-near impossible happens. Crossed with Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy. Crack.


_Vaguely based on prompt "...It could happen", which the lovely Agent Carolina put in one of the the Threads on TRvBRC._

_...other than that, I have now idea where the hell it came from!_

...

"_On no! Not again." __**The infamous bowl of petunias~**_

…

"…And so, Pinocchio was eaten by a whale, and lived the rest of his life in the whale's stomach. The end," Tucker said half-heartedly, glancing up from his gaming console to see Caboose's reaction to the end of his "made up" story.

They sat on top of their base, armour off and guns abandoned.

Caboose fidgeted slightly in his sitting position, an all too familiar look on his face.

"So, Pinokino was never turned into a real boy like he always wanted? Tucker, Church told you to tell me a _good_ story! Not one where people are eaten by whales," he jabbered, looking cross.

"I believe his exact words were, "Tucker, tell him a story. I don't care what it is, just as long as he leaves _me_ alone for five freaking minutes," Tucker stated, returning to his game and grumbling about Church's inept ability to do anything himself.

There was silence as Caboose fidgeted again and Tucker lost at his game. Badly."Stupid piece of-"

"Tucker, what if I am eaten by a whale?"

…

High above Blood Gulch, two things materialised. One was an innocent bouquet of red roses, it's last thought as it pummelled to the ground an exasperated, _"Oh for fucks sake! Not again."_

The second object to materialise was an average sized and dim witted blue whale. It's last thoughts as dropped to its certain doom were doom were of curiosity.

It creatively named the blue expanse surrounding it "sky", and decided that the air whooshing past him should be called "wind". It justified that the big yellow round thing should be called the "sun", and the feathery things that flew past it were "birds", more specifically, "vultures".

The last object to be labelled was the brown and orange (and rapidly growing) area beneath it, which was christened "ground", several seconds before the two of them got very well acquainted.

…

"Caboose, how could you possibly be eaten by a whale? There aren't any whales around here. In fact, there aren't even any nearby oceans. You're not going to be eaten by a whale, OK. I don't think that's not even physically po-oomph. What the hell?" Tucker cut off halfway as something red landed square on his head.

The red object exploded, showering petals over both Caboose and Tucker.

"Not physically po-what? Tucker! Po-what?" Caboose said, oblivious to the fact that that he had flower petals in his blonde hair.

"Shut up, Caboose! What the fuck? Rose petals?" Tucker shook the petals from his shirt and made the mistake of looking up to see where the mysterious flowers had appeared from.

"Holy shit!"

…

Grif emerged from the base, walking silently up the ramp and onto the roof.

"Hey Grif! Come to join me for guard duty?" Donut asked as Grif came to stand by his side. "It's awesome how Sarge keeps putting us together on this, don't you think?"

Grif's reply was a death stare. "Don't talk to me. Ever," he told the pink private, before sitting down with his back leaning against a wall and pulling out a crumpled pack of cigarettes.

"Okey-dokey!" came Donut's cheerful reply, followed by silence.

Donut hated silences. They were always a bad omen.

"So…Grif," he said, conversationally, glancing around for something to talk about. "What do you think that is?" he said, pointing at the large object dropping from the sky above them.

"Donut, I thought I told you not to-what the hell is that?" Grif said, jumping to his feet to get a better look at the object.

Grif made out a tale and two fins before total shock took over and he turned white as a sheet.

"Holy shit!"

"Is that a whale?"

…

Blood Gulch turned into a war zone.

Tucker retreated to his Rock, hoping to say one last goodbye to the stone who had been there for him since the start.

…

Lopez went mad, and attempted to commit suicide, stopping himself just in time when he remembered that he was never alive to begin with.

…

Church emerged from his "alone time" just in time to see turn back around, swear profusely, and run to the basement where he stayed for the next three days rocking back and forth in a corner.

…

Sarge and Simmons were never heard from again. But it is believed that upon hearing the impact, they dug a hole to the underground caves where they stayed for the rest of their lives under the belief that the surface was still radioactive from a nuclear bomb.

…

Sheila drove herself off a cliff, much to Caboose's despair. Her black box was found amongst the wreckage, and the suicide was labelled as a "Bullshit meter overload".

…

Caboose spent the time before the impact staring dumbly at the whale as it got larger. After realising what it was _after_ it hit, he then spent the next few hours running around screaming at the top of his lungs that the whale was going to eat him, and that Tucker had lied to him.

…

Something changed Tex that day. Maybe it was the whale carcass that landed smack damn in the middle of the canyon, or the fact that Church had dumped her earlier that same day. Whichever it was, she was never quite right again.

…

Donut started panicking, and ran around screaming like a girl until he was crushed by the whale. It is also believed that he was pushed through the ground into the underground caves, where he wandered aimlessly for several days before finding Simmons and Sarge's camp.

…

In the time before the whale hit, Grif desperately chased Donut in a vain effort to get him back to the relative safety of the base. After Donut was crushed, he wasn't that surprised. He merely shrugged and pulled out another cigarette. He later cracked, and ended up in the same mental hospital as Church and Tucker.

…

On the top of the cliff, a bouquet of blue violets almost wet itself laughing. It rolled around on the dusty ground, tears forming in its eyes.

"Those idiots!" it gasped, before rolling off the cliff.

"This is getting old," it thought, before meeting the same fate as the roses. The _exact _same fate.

…

"Goodbye, rocky! I'll miss you. I'll always love you. If that's even physically po-oomph! What the hell?"

...

_Cookie for anyone who can tell me where that scene with the roses and the whale comes from!_


End file.
